Thoughts For My Fellow Flyers

Consider this a rant just in time for the holidays. I don't fly often, but a couple times a year is more than my parental units... much less than my husband, though. I still get nervous when I check my bags and they leave my protective hands. I still grin like a child when we finally take off and I see clouds outside instead of grass. And I still get the jitters when we land because it never really feels like we're going to slow down enough to fully stop. Over the last few years (we usually only fly to see my DH family in upstate New York and the once-a-year vacay), I've realized that there are some serious issues that should be addressed to make everyone's lives better and trips pleasanter.

1) This is a plane... not your home. Do not take your shoes off. Ever. I suppose the one exception is flip flops. I suppose that is OK. Just bear in mind that few people want to see your feet and even fewer want to smell them. You may think they're fine. Good for you. They're not.

2) My seat is not a pull up bar or a leg press. While I'm sure it's tempting to get your workout in while flying (that's the only thing I can assume you're doing as you pull on my seat back and kick me in my lumbar region), just don't. That is, unless you want me to extend the same courtesy to your face. In that case, kick away.

3) No onions (or sauerkraut or garlic or... anything smelly.) I COMPLETELY understand having to eat on a plane. Layovers or not, it's often a 100 yard dash to make it to your connecting flight and mealtimes are not off limits for such events. You may have to snag a bite when you can and enjoy it on the next leg of your journey. Just do me and everyone else on the plane a favor and order something other than the one thing that smells like death.

4) Your child is not in a vacuum - we can hear them scream bloody murder. I love children. I just don't love fussy children... on planes. Try this: stick a pacifier or a bottle in their mouth. I bet you they aren't mad that they're on a plane. I bet you they're scared because they can't hear and their ears hurt. Unless you can rationalize with them to yawn or try popping their ears (I would kill to see someone have that convo with a 6 month old), help them out. If not for my sanity, for your child's.

5) Bathe. You would think that's simple. You'd, apparently, be wrong. I once flew next to a woman who smelled like boiled cabbage and cheese. Of course, there were other issues like the fact that she had four slices in each ear that made them look like feet and she dressed like a crazy homeless person, but it was the smell that got me. My husband and I turned our air vents toward her at full blast to barricade ourselves from the odorous attack.

6) I am not and never will be interested in what you're selling. My husband and I sat next to guy on our way to our honeymoon who insisted on trying to get us to buy one if his NUMEROUS products. He had a whole business card folder full of his own business cards... from different businesses. After the third attempt, we flat out ignored him. I think he got the hint sometime before we landed.

Letting Go and Letting God: Part 2

After making the decision to keep any buns out of my oven for now, we were hit with the news that I had lost my job.  Perfect.  That's not sarcasm.  Remember, I was miserable there and I completely and totally believe that God has a plan for me.  I turned my attention to getting into school.  I knew that's what I had always been led to do. So, with only a little trepidation, I decided to proceed with reenrolling to my alma mater for one class and applying to grad school for next year.

Talk about hoops to jump through!  I still needed to take the GRE (and do well), but the only way to do that was to drive 3 hours away and take it that week.  Done.  I needed to start shadowing work as part of the admission requirements. Done.  I needed to fill out the application, write an essay, and complete the interview process. Done.

And then we wait... tick tick tick. A whole week till I knew for sure if I got in?!  Painful.

I had found a job (not a great one, but a job) and I turned my focus to that.  But the stress and the nature of my new job got the better of me and I found myself nauseous and tired every day.  By 9 PM every day, I could barely keep my eyes open.  Mornings when I had to be at work at 6 AM made me sick to my stomach.  I got sick with a UTI and nothing sounded good to eat anymore.  I had to force myself to swallow cranberry pills in the morning because we couldn't afford a doctor's appointment for something I could treat at home.  I normally have no issue taking medicine, but I had a ridiculous gag reflex all of a sudden.  My exhaustion and diet caused me to crave things I didn't normally eat like jalepenos.  No one symptom was enough for me to be concerned, but they sure were annoying!

So, I began to overshare on Facebook.  I usually only post good things, but I started to share things like wanting spicy food when I never eat spicy food and getting terrible sleep.  I needed a release for the frustration I was feeling.  Then, came the comments.  Resoundingly, the response was "you're pregnant."  That set me over the edge.  Did no one listen when I told them I CAN'T have babies?!  My ovaries don't want to cooperate!  I'm broken without a reason!  I'm obviously not going to have a child without medical intervention!  Fine, if you're all so sure, I'll test just so I can post the negative result on Facebook!

Oh.

Um.

So, yeah...

I bought 5 tests at the Dollar Tree.  I wasn't going to spend a lot of money and I wanted to have definitive proof that I WASN'T pregnant. The cashier thought it was overkill, but I figured $5 was fine.  So, Sunday morning, I woke before my husband to test that first morning release - supposedly the highest concentration.  If I was pregnant, it would show up now more than ever.  Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop.  Wait for it... wait for it...

I froze. TWO lines?!  I'm... I'm... there is NO way.  This is the moment I had envisioned for years.  How I would tell me husband.  It would have to be brilliant, clever, unique.  It would have to be Pinterest worthy.  What did I do?  I crawled back into bed shaking from head to toe and just asked one question of my sleeping husband - "How do you feel about being a daddy?"  His eyes shot open with excitement or happiness or terror (I'm still not 100% sure) and he started kissing me.  It was the best moment I'd had in a long time.

But, what if the test was wrong.  My logical brain knows there are no false negatives.  You can have a  chemical pregnancy, but you were still sort of pregnant for a second.  Regardless of my knowledge of how these things work, I took 3 of the remaining 4 tests.  I then (because I'm a scientist at heart) made my husband take one.  Turns out, I'm pregnant.  He's not.  Later, we bought an EPT two pack.  I took one.  Definite plus sign.  Two days later, I took the second one.  Still very pregnant!

I scheduled a doctor's appointment and tried to calculate how far along I was, but my body is weird.  I could be 2 weeks pregnant or 2 months pregnant.  No telling.  She felt my tummy and said my uterus was already moving in front of my pelvic bone.  It moves?!  Blood work showed that I am between 7 and 12 weeks pregnant.  I was pregnant for at least two months and had no idea?!

In 3 hours, we will have baby pictures taken.  Sure he or she will be black and white and blurry, but it will be pictures of our baby.  Pictures we can frame and hold and show off.  Pictures of a gift that only God can give.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of being a new mom and a grad student.  I'm still not 100% sure how we'll pull it off.  What I do know is that God would never put anything in my path that I couldn't handle.

Letting Go and Letting God: Part 1

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11 - 13

How insanely true that is.  Rather than bombard you with one lengthy post, I will break my story into bite-sized nuggets of Godly deliciousness, so bear with me.

Many years ago, I got the great news that I was a "woman."  I would experience being a "woman" every month for the majority of my life.  My body had other plans.  Occasionally, it would happen monthly, but more often than not, it would happen every few months or so with no regularity.  This was never a major concern to anyone.  I thought it was a blessing, and being irregular was regular in our family.

Eventually, I met my wonderful husband and we decided to get married and start a family.  Not long into the "trying" process, I started having a cycle every two weeks... for two months.  I became very ill - anemic from the blood loss and exhausted from the pain.  Once, I even passed out while making the bed because lifting the sheet to straighten it was too much of a strain on my overtaxed body.

It was time to see a doctor.  I researched and researched and researched.  I asked my Facebook friends to point me to a good, responsible, intelligent doctor who could help me.  I'll be honest; they were wrong.  The doctor I chose sent me in for blood work that they failed to check before having me drive an hour to their office for a follow up visit and offered me fertility drugs rather than anything resembling a natural solution.  Two ultrasounds and a complete blood workup and physical exam yielded nothing but frustration.  There was nothing wrong with me except I wasn't ovulating.  I could get a period without an egg?! News to me.  Second opinion time...

I reached out again to my friends and read online reviews of various doctors in the area.  All the "really good" ones were booked for months.  I settled for a "good" one and went in to see him.  One word: love!  He was thorough and believes, like me, that medicine has its place and it's not always required.  Much to my dismay, he said that we needed to "reboot" me.  Three months of birth control should do the trick.  And so, I took them.  Every pill.  On time.  Every day.  Hoping that this would fix me... that we would be able to have a baby.

But three months changes a lot.  I began to hate my job and, after searching and searching for a new career path, we decided to hold off on the baby so we could discuss me going back to school and figure our lives out a bit.  The doctor prescribed birth control for the next year and a said to call if we changed our minds.  We wouldn't, of course... God would.

God Has a Plan... Even If It Terrifies Us

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you." Exodus 3:11-12

A couple of weeks ago, I received some devastating news.  I know that many people receive this news every day, but that knowledge doesn't help with the sting.  My employer decided it was time to part ways.  I'm not the sole bread-winner so we will survive on reserves for the next month or so, but the departure was unexpected and uncalled for.  I could play the blame game and everyone who worked with me should actually know what kind of company they are working for, but that won't do anyone any real good.  Instead of dwell on the hurt, I'm preparing for a future that was in the game plan for years.

I graduated from college in 2007 with the intention to go directly to grad school for physical therapy.  I don't know why I was drawn to it as a profession.  I can honestly say I was called to do it.  Unfortunately, I chose to let my fear take control of my heart and went into the workforce.  Since then, I have worked in sales and collections.  As one might expect, the world quotas and forecasts is not a comfortable home for someone who wants to use their hands to heal.  I'm simply not aggressive enough to force people into buying something they don't want or spending money they don't have.

But, on the day my previous employer said "good-bye," my life changed.  I threw my hands up to God and told him that I was scared and lost and confused.  I took that job believing it's where He wanted me.  Why, then, had it worked out so poorly?  Why had I been placed in a position that, despite how hard I worked, ultimately ended in failure?  So, with no where else to turn, we went to church that Sunday hoping that being in His house would start the healing process just a little, but I had no idea God would be so obvious with His love and guidance.

As soon as I walked into the sanctuary, I started crying.  (Of course, this would be the one time I hadn't stuffed a random fast food napkin or a pack of tissues in my purse.)  I have no idea what the sermon was about.  I didn't hear a word of it.  I just started silently talking to God.  I've always had that kind of relationship with Him.  As a child, I would dance in my grandmother's living room and tell her I was dancing with God.  Even when I blatantly defied Him, I always felt His presence.  It was still surprising and moving when I heard His response.  I asked Him what I was supposed to do now.  How could I move on and where should I turn?  He just said "I told you."  I knew at that moment what He meant.  He had led me to the right career and life years ago.  He put it in my heart and wanted me to find and follow that path again.  At the end of the service, the pastor got back up on stage.  He said "I don't know who you are, but God just told me that there is someone here who is lost and scared.  He wants me to tell you it will be okay."  I lost it.  I've been going to church for 27 years and I have never had a pastor get up at the end of the service and say that.

I'm reminded a bit of Moses and God's call to him to confront Pharaoh about releasing the Israelites, a daunting request to say the least.  Now, I know that I am nothing like Moses, but it feels like God did put a burning bush in my path.  It felt as though He was saying "Well, FINALLY! Something got your attention.  Now, listen."  Of course, just like Moses, I was reluctant.  What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't get in to school? What if the loans fall through and I can't pay for graduate school?

Remember, however, that God reached out His hand to make the task He assigned to Moses possible.  I had actually met with the head of admissions to PT school the day before I was fired.  He encouraged me to try for early decision (I didn't think that was an option because I still hadn't taken my GRE) and told me that they would accept self-reported GRE scores.  That meant that I had exactly 15 days to take the GRE to qualify for early decision.  Several things lined up so that I was able to take the test in a city 3 hours away the following week.  If I had still been working, there was no chance for me to take the GRE until September.  I also have one remaining prerequisite to take.  Of course, not being employed, I was concerned about the cost.  My husband just received an unexpected bonus that more than covered the cost of the class.  Another note about that class, I wouldn't have been able to take it if I was still working because none of the class times aligned with my current schedule.

I'm not one to "Bible beat."  I very rarely witness to people.  I know that's something I should do more often, but I don't normally have stories that I think are worth sharing and I hate the idea of stepping on toes or offending someone.  The last thing I want to do is alienate someone because of my religion, but God has always been a big part of my life and I certainly don't share His good works enough.  I just wanted to share this story to show just one example of how God moves in our lives.  He may have a plan that absolutely terrifies you, but He will provide a means for that to happen if you truly put your faith in Him and are willing to follow His guidance.  If you make the effort to follow His plan, He will surprise you in beautiful ways you never thought possible.

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