Friday, September 28, 2012

Letting Go and Letting God: Part 1

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11 - 13

How insanely true that is.  Rather than bombard you with one lengthy post, I will break my story into bite-sized nuggets of Godly deliciousness, so bear with me.

Many years ago, I got the great news that I was a "woman."  I would experience being a "woman" every month for the majority of my life.  My body had other plans.  Occasionally, it would happen monthly, but more often than not, it would happen every few months or so with no regularity.  This was never a major concern to anyone.  I thought it was a blessing, and being irregular was regular in our family.

Eventually, I met my wonderful husband and we decided to get married and start a family.  Not long into the "trying" process, I started having a cycle every two weeks... for two months.  I became very ill - anemic from the blood loss and exhausted from the pain.  Once, I even passed out while making the bed because lifting the sheet to straighten it was too much of a strain on my overtaxed body.

It was time to see a doctor.  I researched and researched and researched.  I asked my Facebook friends to point me to a good, responsible, intelligent doctor who could help me.  I'll be honest; they were wrong.  The doctor I chose sent me in for blood work that they failed to check before having me drive an hour to their office for a follow up visit and offered me fertility drugs rather than anything resembling a natural solution.  Two ultrasounds and a complete blood workup and physical exam yielded nothing but frustration.  There was nothing wrong with me except I wasn't ovulating.  I could get a period without an egg?! News to me.  Second opinion time...

I reached out again to my friends and read online reviews of various doctors in the area.  All the "really good" ones were booked for months.  I settled for a "good" one and went in to see him.  One word: love!  He was thorough and believes, like me, that medicine has its place and it's not always required.  Much to my dismay, he said that we needed to "reboot" me.  Three months of birth control should do the trick.  And so, I took them.  Every pill.  On time.  Every day.  Hoping that this would fix me... that we would be able to have a baby.

But three months changes a lot.  I began to hate my job and, after searching and searching for a new career path, we decided to hold off on the baby so we could discuss me going back to school and figure our lives out a bit.  The doctor prescribed birth control for the next year and a said to call if we changed our minds.  We wouldn't, of course... God would.

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